The other day I was looking through old journal entries and came across words I forgot I'd written. I didn't record the date so I can't remember the exact timing, but I do remember where I was and what I'd been thinking about. I continue to ask myself the question of what really satisfies me. Most of my honest answers horrify me as they reveal the shallowness of my heart and the unmet longings of my soul. Maybe you can relate:
"I often sing about it and think about it, and say Jesus satisfies me. But my thought life, my behavior, my actions, and my obsessions don't always line up with my own lyrics. And so here is the crisis: God created me to know him. When I was saved I exchanged my old life for a new one- once unholy, now holy, once unclean, now clean, once unjustified, now justified, once afraid, now brave and fearless (most days), once a sinner, now free from sin. So why this tug of war between the new girl and the old one? I know my flesh, that unsanctified old part of me, wages war [...]
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"I often sing about it and think about it, and say Jesus satisfies me. But my thought life, my behavior, my actions, and my obsessions don't always line up with my own lyrics. And so here is the crisis: God created me to know him. When I was saved I exchanged my old life for a new one- once unholy, now holy, once unclean, now clean, once unjustified, now justified, once afraid, now brave and fearless (most days), once a sinner, now free from sin. So why this tug of war between the new girl and the old one? I know my flesh, that unsanctified old part of me, wages war [...]